ARAFAT COMEDY

Top Ten Ways to Make Arafat Angry (Late Show, Sept. 1993)
10. Load his burnoose with bees.
9. Borrow some of his books on making explosives, don't return them.
8. Don't let him in the room until he says "open sesame."
7. If he's chasing you, paint a tunnel entrance onto a big rock, then hide and watch as he runs straight into it.
6. When you meet him, go "Whoa! You ain't exactly Omar Sharif, are you?"
5. Introduce him as chairman of the PTA.
4. Show up at a party wearing the same tablecloth.
3. Ask him why it's not PLO speedwagon anymore.
2. In the middle of the cab ride, tell him you changed your mind and you want him to take you to Brooklyn.
1. Shortsheet his head.

Top Ten Reason's Yasir Arafat Will Make A Good Father (Late Show, July 1995)
10. Take an old sock, stuff it with beard clippings and presto - a teething toy
9. Plastic explosives pick up ink better than Silly Putty
8. For show and tell daddy can help kid build a bitchin' car bomb
7. Frequent skyjackings mean cheap, fun family trips
6. If this Palestinian Presidential thing doesn't work out, he can always support his family by driving a New York City Cab
5. Make-shift rattle: Coke can filled with old shell casings
4. If teachers give kid a B-plus, daddy will torture him up to an A-minus
3. Can teach kid to throw while hurling rocks at Israeli soldiers
2. He's sure winner of parents' day Ringo look-a-like contest
1. P.L.O. discount at desert Toys R' Us